Christmas Gifts

There are anniversaries we don’t want to celebrate. There are those moments that we call victories; that are races won to be sure, but places better left alone. We quietly remember them to ourselves because we know the cost, yet there remains an indelible mark always recounting the price we paid for release from that period in our personal history. This can never be communicated or shared because the words will inevitably escape us, and besides the Gold Medal here is the freedom. It’s never having to revisit that dark hole, and claiming that sweet victory for our very own. Sometimes never having to share the bowl of leftover cake batter is the sweetest part of it all; we get to have it for our very own.

Today when I greet a friend or a loved one; when I shake a new hand, I've been blessed to see those moments in everyone. I know that I am not alone. I know that everyone has those anniversaries they choose not to celebrate. We each have our dark places, holes that we’ve had to crawl out of, barely alive, or maybe some of us are still in them; not quite ready to start the process.

I love this holiday above all others. This is, without question, my favorite time of year. As a matter of tradition, I like to take little pieces of it with me throughout the year. I love it for what it can be. I love it because I know what it has been. December was the month a 17yr.old boy lost his father. December was the month that same kid spent Christmas eve, & Christmas day in the back of a ’78 Chevy Impala without a soul to share the holiday. December was the 3’rd of 6mos. he spent in a recovery center where he enjoyed but a single visitor. I don’t want to darken your day w/ a bunch of misery here, after all this is about what it can be!

Sure it was the month I said goodbye to my father, yet it is the same month my family welcomed our sister’s 1’st born. It is the month I gained a niece & she’s since grown into a strong, beautiful, successful young woman. It was the month that I realized the darkest, lowest moment of loneliness & despair; & yet that became the measuring stick of how far I’ve come. My sister-in-laws husband once asked: “not one person stuck around to make sure you turned out O.K.”? I had to answer: “no”, because that is the truth. Today, I am surrounded by more love than, that young man could ever have imagined. For a young man in a recovery home it was a month of frustration, anger and a harbinger of change, and yet it remains one of my single favourite holiday memories. To dance that New Year in w/ my mother in my arms is a joy that few if any will ever claim as their own.

There are so many gifts that we miss out on. For every dark hole we climb out of; for every mountainous garbage pile conquered, there remains a victory to celebrate. Sure, there are those anniversaries we want to ignore, but the victories they represent should never, ever be forgotten. More often than not, they represent some of the most defining moments in our lives. For me, today this is the month where I will welcome home our eldest son from his 1’st semester in university. I pray it is also the month where I will recognize a defining moment of personal change. It is a time of giving, & receiving; of family, & celebration, & new hope.

I feel especially blessed because I live in a part of the world where we see all four seasons, and at this particular time of year I can usually count on a blanket of snow. A White Christmas is a beautiful thing, for those of us that can appreciate it. You see, back when I was calling that Chevy Impala home, my friend had to hide it behind a garage (out building) on his landlord’s property, & tucked in behind that building I dug that car out of more than a couple of snow drifts before calling it a night, so for me that beautiful blanket of snow is the assurance that new life lies just beneath the surface.

(I never figured out why he wouldn't let me sleep on his sofa, but that’s a whole other bunny trail!)

No, some anniversaries don’t need to be celebrated. Those victory celebrations are yours & yours alone. What we need to do when the snow fall sets in and starts to accumulate is call in sick to work, pack the kids up into the mini-van, strap your best toboggans onto the roof and find the closest hill …

& don’t forget to break the budget on Hot Chocolates, you can’t take it with ya’ ...

A Very Merry Christmas to One & All

Love; S.

I Choose Confrontation

My niece wrote a cute, lighthearted FB status yesterday & posed the question: "Why are people so good at making me want to open hand slap them"? We've all been there; am I right? You find yourself in that moment where someone sends you; momentarily, right to the edge. Well her mother and I responded to her post, w/ what were meant as humorous quips yet it quickly became a thread w/ references regarding violence & non-violence.

Let's be clear: a football player blows through an Offensive Line and devastates a running back; that’s violent, to anyone who’s witnessed it and understands what they’ve just seen.  A base runner, runs straight for the baseman with every intention of running that player over, & taking them off the base fully aware of the body check that’s coming; this is a violent act. A hockey player takes a deliberate run at an opponent that has their back turned & their head down; clean check or not, to run at a defenceless opponent is a deliberately violent act. These acts can be defined as athletic in nature, but to the men and women committing them, the violence involved is obvious and very much: a “part of the game”, necessary to compete. The basketball player that clips an opponent at the thigh; just as they’re going up for a layup is usually; fully aware, that 2 points or not, someone is coming down hard. High level athletes understand that violence; and I mean “real violence”, is all part of the game. These are not necessarily professionals either; they can be the regular people that you meet every day.

The aunt & uncle that play softball every weekend, a dad who plays on every hockey team available, the cousin that looks kind of puny, but played 5yrs. as a high level DB., or the buddy that gets to the Y for every pickup basketball game he can; you can see them how you choose to, but know this, they all have a solid understanding of what “real violence” is. We can debate athletic competition all day long, but these are the people who would be willing to “suit up” and offer a practical demonstration. Here lies the crux of the debate, and you see it in every game. Every team has them, some are worse than others; they’re the whiners, those cheap shot artists that never stick around to back it up. In life they are the un-educated w/ opinions on every subject, the co-worker who’s never done your job but will happily show you how to do it better.

Consider this: My response to my niece’s post follows:

(Uncle Stacey) “I get it; some people's big mouths need to get smacked shut, some talk shit then turtle or run in the house & hide, & sometimes it’s just better to not have to deal w/ a criminal charge” }:)

You see, I’ve been there, more than once. As a matter of fact I am living w/ social anxiety today that directly relates to many of these experiences from my past. We encounter these people; sometimes every day. Sometimes we live w/ them and many times they can be right there in our own family. Any high level athlete will tell you; that in a game, there are three ways to deal with these people: sometimes a smack in the mouth can teach a valuable lesson, quite often, they can be counted on to run their mouth and immediately turtle or run and hide; and sometimes it’s just not worth taking the penalty. Truth be told, day to day life isn’t much different, sometimes losing your job or the criminal charge is totally worth it …

Today’s world hosts a myriad of skewed views and opinions. Too often, this commentary comes from those that can barely comprehend the difference between text & tone, let alone the subtleties of wholesome debate. At a point in history when a gamer nerd can fire missiles from a drone as he sits in a shipping container half a planet away, it becomes difficult to discuss violence. Sadly we live in a world where some of those opinionated bleeding hearts are defending the rights of murderers and pedophiles. Again, it becomes difficult to discuss violence when the realities of our humanity begin to seep in; but we must maintain perspective.

We each experience these things on our own terms. We learn to deal with these people on the fly, and bury our natural, instinctual fight or flight response. There are those that live in perpetual fear of violence, they shrink from every confrontation & avoid every encounter. It is likely that these people will never see the inside of a locker room, and will never experience the euphoria of a team win, let alone a championship. One can spend an entire afternoon sharing feelings and emotion; add infinitum, but if you’re talking to someone who’ll never make the time to listen to you then what? When your son or daughter is getting bullied in a school yard, are they expected to express their fear and trepidation to the school’s #1 asshole? In that moment that bully stands to learn a valuable lesson, and an empowered son or daughter may be the one to teach it.

Rest assured:

Some of us have never had a problem being the instructor …

There is a distinct difference between abhorring violence and being afraid of confrontation. It’s sad to think that people have spent a lifetime having never stood up to their bullies, but it’s true.

Let’s Consider My Sister’s Response to Her Daughter’s Post:

“- is it discipline or abuse”!!!

When a parent tells their child: “this hurts me more than it hurts you”, in the proper setting, this is very true. The momentary smacks on my children’s fanny affect me to this day. This discipline was necessary and effective. It served a purpose and at the end of the day, was a hurt that I took upon myself for the express purpose of educating and disciplining our children. When you’ve witnessed a sibling being violently attacked, with a white belt, in an uncontrolled fit of rage, you understand the difference between discipline and abuse.

Sara once said “If you want to get to know someone, get to know their children”. This one statement has gone on to become a thought that we come back to time, & time again. By some people’s standards my children come from a “violent” home, we are a “violent family”, and our children “enjoy violent pass times”.

I would say, get to know my children …

Love; S.

(compiled from drafts: June 6, August 6, September 7 / 2013)

It's Never to Late To Learn

So it occurred to me today that it’s been about a year since this “FB drama” came to a head and finally erupted. I made a specific decision to put some distance between myself and the blog activity but the writing bug grabs me, & more often than not, I can’t say “no”. 

I’m certain that some reading this, will suggest that I "can’t seem to let this chapter of my life go". It must appear that I’m still obsessing about it, & while I’m no Dr. of Psychology, I can assure you that my day to day life consists of so many other things, but in the spirit of my original “mission, statement” this is the place where I “work shit out”. I can honestly note here that if anything burns my ass, it’s the need to constantly caution readers of this point.

Voltaire noted that: “To hold a pen, is to be at war.” Experience tells me that no truer words have ever been spoken. Yet; humbly, I would add here that those we love the most are quite often the one’s we can count on, to wage the most devastating assaults. Harsh words? Well; if words are the medium, it remains your choice, to fault me for painting with bold strokes.

A year ago, I had a 23yr. old daughter; 18, 16, and 14yr. old sons & the idea was that I had somehow “dragged” them into this FB drama. Please, try & "influence" children of that age to do anything! I offer three words: "Exercise In Futility" ...

Either this was some incredulous invention of a passionate & angry person; or I possess the manipulative powers of a tyrant and missed my dictatorial calling. Trust that when one is staring at his 45’th birthday, he can fully appreciate how the heat of the moment, anger and emotion often combine to cause major lapses in judgement. As a matter of fact, I have spent the last half of my life time atoning for many of the same. What remains is the laughable idea that we (Sara, Billie & I) can somehow position these children like chess pieces. A statement or idea; like this, demonstrates the lack of knowledge people have, regarding us as a family unit or our children as individuals; and at the end of the day this lack of knowledge is the direct result of a choice, to not have an active relationship; a choice that has not been ours.

A short time ago, one of my siblings had finally found herself in a position where she could remain silent no more. Taking advantage of the platform FB provides she shared her own thoughts on the whole matter. I was humbled that she’d even made a point of indirectly "tagging" me in her post as a means of support for my own writing. A family is an ever changing, strange and dynamic thing. Just when you feel like it’s static & stable is often when the most radical changes occur.

For Sara & I, the most important lesson was the power that comes with the freedom of choice. From Kindergarten on, this was the push; to instill the concept of decision making, freedom of choice & the relevant celebration, or consequences that follow. To that end, one can expect daily, to hear and witness Sara, myself, or any of these boys owning mistakes, admitting wrongs and experiencing the process of growth and learning. Age, wisdom & growth come with the knowledge that, to be wrong is to remain teachable. Resentment, spite & vindictiveness are more often than not, the remnants of these lessons, deliberately avoided.

 I openly admit that I’ve enjoyed my position, 2 full hours away from the day to day happenings in my own family. It is a glorious thing to sit comfortably in the helicopter, flying well above the forest canopy. The old cliché “one can’t see the forest for the trees” has never been truer. I see more today, of the dynamic, the players and their roles and positions then I’d ever imagined possible. It becomes increasingly difficult not to fall into the role of “chief critic” when you find yourself ever present in the balcony, with the best view of the stage possible.

So as the fall closes in, & the school bells call the children back to class, I will recognize the 15’th anniversary of my arrival in Elgin County, and a full year since the accusation of “brainwashing our children” fell on our doorstep. I honestly could not be happier. There are certainly challenges and opportunities ahead, the same things we all face each day. With a new school year ahead, I find myself welcoming the new lessons I’m sure to learn, and surprise tests that await.  

As we send our eldest son off to University I can only trust in the man he’s become, and that man that we send off is a force to be reckoned with, to be sure. To imagine that there is no fear as we send him back to Windsor is just plain foolish, there is more then I alone can process. I count myself among the luckiest men alive however, because I never face any of these things alone, accusations; bitter, hateful attacks; pitiful gossip; or the inevitable celebrations, love and joy that always wins out; I face it all with my best friend, our children, & the most amazing friends and family anyone could ever ask for.

Grab some life, bite in and let those juices run down your chin; it's a good thing & your only chance is right now ...

You Are So Deeply Loved; S.

Big Sisters Rule

So, alright, you knew I had to respond to my sister’s FB post right!? After all, she asked for Blogging advice. }:)

Maybe this carries over from Sara’s side of our family, or maybe it’s just us; but the freedom and acceptance to be who you are has always been a given here. On Sara’s side I, personally have enjoyed the freedom to stumble, screw up & learn with never a question about love, acceptance & freedom from being judged. In the 20yrs. that I’ve been a member of Sara’s family, I’ve never once heard the label of LGBT, there has just been “family”, sister, brother, cousin, Aunt, Uncle. Even those marriages broken, have become family’s extended and grown bigger; with healing and time. It has truly been humbling to witness what love and tolerance can accomplish.

I am closely familiar with the judgment & intolerance that motivated my sister’s post. I know today that where I’ve always encouraged and enjoyed discussion and debate; there are certain lines that she and other members of my family will not cross. It is in these very topics that we find ourselves broken & mired today. What’s left me speechless; until now, has been her desire to finally take a stand, and to do it in such a way as to announce to her closest friends and family that her ideas and opinions will be heard. It is beyond sad; it is heartbreaking to know that these obviously spiteful and hurtful things can be coming from the very people who know us to be a loving and caring family. It’s not like we don’t talk, as a matter of fact, us five (4 sisters & I) talk more today then ever before. I can remember another sister saying, (& I paraphrase) that she’s spoken to many a medical professional who “may not believe in God, but they sure believe in miracles”. To say that you have no respect for a person with faith is to say that you have no concept of what respect is. Respect must be offered before it can be returned; my dad taught me that. There’s your objective truth!

When my sister wrote of Youth & Inexperience, I found myself humbled as I realized, yet again, that there is much I must learn. My heart has broken so much in recent years. There has been far too much loss, the loss of friends, family and parents to time and memoriam can pale when compared to the loss of those relationships you hold most dear. It’s laughable to me today to read & hear the passion of science over religion. History’s greatest thinkers have all shown that the two must be united. So much of the most powerful science being funded today amounts to nothing more then a thought experiment. The Socratic Method was derived and proven by the same man that taught us: “I am wise; because I know, that I know nothing”. This is inescapable truth, for those of us that have experienced it. Where youth and in-experience fail, wisdom understands. One cannot learn, until one accepts their ignorance. When we’re convinced we are right, we cease to be teachable, and we stagnate. This becomes visible to anyone who’s experienced it in their own lives, and then easily see it in others.

Next to writing, the sharing of my life’s experiences remains the driving force behind my day to day. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences with drugs, alcohol and the lifestyle that accompany them; and then my subsequent recovery, that I may be a positive spark to ignite change in others. As a result, I’ve been blessed w/ opportunities to talk w/ adults & youth alike. I have worked tirelessly to develop a factual presentation that’s both informative and educational. I remain in contact w/ local police & addiction services always ready to offer my time. I witness youthful ignorance almost daily. The meme’s are all over social networks, about pot saving lives, and being beneficial. You read it everywhere: that “you can’t compare marijuana to heroin”, as if one psychoactive is any safer then the next. It is a sad thing, when you’ve made it your life’s work to educate and inform, and still we see our young people dragged into mainstream media hype. More often then not, they can’t even tell you why they believe what they believe, except to quote more rhetoric. You try to explain that heroin is an opiate and that there are, in fact even safer opiate derivatives then pot, that won’t damage healthy lung tissue and if they’re not staring at you glazed over, then usually they want to know where to score it }:/

Youth and Inexperience, two words I need to keep close to my heart. I remember being 30yrs. w/ a new house, new car and a $30/hr. job. 15yrs. later and all I see are youthful ignorance and inexperience. I have none of those things now, what I do have is far more valuable; a wife & best friend; 4 children that are every bit the free thinkers I’ve hoped they’d become; I have friends who are so much more then mere acquaintances and four amazing "big sisters" (& brothers in law) that I can never be thankful enough to have. I am truly blessed, in the biblical sense of the term and staying w/ biblical definition I am rich among men! In modern terms, I am living the dream.

Oh, and my advice for the blog? Stick w/ the facebook posts, they're less controversial, & I think your fan base there will tend to be more supportive }:)

Love; S.

Its a Question

Where will I be,

when it all plays out?

When it all plays out & the families gather 'round the Christmas dinner table,

When those costumed darlings knock on the door, singing their precious "trick or treats";

Where will I be?

Where will I be,

when it all plays out?

When the Easter Egg hunts are the most intriguing adventures and the 1'st fishes are being pulled from crystal clear, still as glass ponds;

Where will I be?

Who would know, are there really answers? The question plaques us all, humanity perpetually quakes with fear. In fear, of the moment;

when the answer finally, quietly, & inevitably comes.

Where will I be,

when it all plays out?

Carving the bird, handing out treats,

I'll be building the jelly bean trails,

I'll be baiting hooks, shedding a tear at commencement.

When it all plays out,

That's where I'll be.

S.



(taken from notes, revised & published 5/6/13)

Most Private & Important Thing I've Ever Written

While I certainly want you to believe in a message of change, that all things are possible; I don't want you to ever accept that this requires you to be a perpetual scapegoat.

A large part of my own story has been a deep and personal acceptance of my portion, my contribution to the problem if you will. As many were un-willing, or unable to accept my amends, it ultimately became paramount for me to connect with this desire, this willingness to accept my wrongs and develop an inclination to own them; especially if I were to ever find personal freedom from these acts. This noted I've learned that we must remain vigilant against the imposition of others who are reluctant, or incapable of allowing us the freedom from our past. There are those who will claim much, yet remain blind to the new person we've become.

I myself stopped being a 17yr. old, when I turned 18yrs. I stopped being a 43yr. old husband & father the day I turned 44yrs. Unfortunately many can’t (or choose not to) ever see these stages, and the growth that accompanies each.

To be sure, I've committed my share of crimes; my "sins" are many. I stole, used and sold medications from my father. I stole money from my sisters and stole money from my mother's Al-anon group's treasury purse, on a regular basis. I was always poking through drawers & closets when I was home alone. Violence and breaking the law became very much commonplace. I stole from friends and their parents; the whole time being welcomed back for dinner and a visit, usually the very next day.

I was a skilled liar & a gifted manipulator. I still catch myself, even today, having to correct conversations mid-course, as the desire to exaggerate & manipulate is ever present it seems. I entered my 1'st stint in Brentwood Recovery in my 20's having had some 13 different partners, 2 children out of wedlock and a heavily abused body. It sickens me to admit this to you and yet what's worse is that it barely conveys the entirety of it all. “Tip of the ice berg” says little …

All this and much more are mine to own. It is my belief that I am perpetually capable of error, and as such I will need to continually be on the lookout for those lessons, I’ve yet to learn. These have the potential to be minor epiphanies and believe me when I tell you that I guard these opportunities passionately. I embrace my ignorance and as a result I seek opportunities to learn & improve constantly.

So What!?

What am I driving at?

As I grew up I was in constant reminder that I needed to toughen up, I needed to stop being so weepy & soft, I needed to "get over it", I needed to "let it go already”. After my father died, the dialogue changed little, but was more guided toward a young man, as one might expect. Only now it came from those grown up & married members of my family. Siblings to be sure, but cousins, aunts, uncles, each made time to add to the conversation...

It was hard to hear this constant reminder, especially as my deepest longing was for a place to call home & stability; but the words had to be enough as they were often all I had: “time to grow up", "no one wants to hear it Stacey, get over it, and let it go". I wished to be heard, just for an ear. Enter Sara, someone would listen, & she did. Eventually though, I needed to find others who could provide guidance as I sought to take responsibility for my portion. I needed to learn the correct direction for these conversations with those better prepared to accommodate me. Driven for change, I did and these friends were the architects and laborers of a new me.

Get to the point, right!?

What's it all about Stacey?

Well it may be the long way 'round but I really hope you follow, because it’s an important lesson & a major key to our personal freedom. What I hope to share is that, I've experienced all of this and more. My goal would be to share these experiences, the lessons learned and maybe you could then avoid these things altogether. You see, I still hear these “loving reminders” today; at 44yrs. old. “Be a grown up”, "Get over it Stacey let it go", "Time to act your age". The part where Sara & I shake our heads? They don’t even pause to consider that I have. I am over it, I did grow up and let go of it all. Truthfully, I've let go of far too much, far too easily at times and lost very little sleep in the process. Oh, I certainly made notes in the margin. Trust me, there is no way I ever want to see that guy in the mirror again, yet what we learn is that while some claim to be capable of forgiveness, many are all too comfortable leaving us convicted and pigeon holed. Ruts are comfortable places.

No matter what I've accomplished, no matter the distance between me & those mistakes I've made; all the positive deeds imaginable can never erase: "Grow up & get over it Stacey", for some. To them, I have nothing to offer, I'm white noise, droning on and on. When the slide show stops at Stacey and the one person watching's knee jerk reaction is “Time to Grow Up, No One Wants to Hear it Stacey” how can that white noise ever be worthy of real attention and respect? This person has refused the meal before tasting the dish. Their mind is made up before they sit down at the table. Judged, w/out a jury & sentenced to life. One may begin to think I'm bitter and of course, I’ve been there. I'd be lying to say there wasn't a time when I was. I was deeply hurt for years, but in truth, today I'm just sad because I know me. I know what they're missing, I know the articulate speaker within, the deeply thoughtful husband, father, brother and friend. The loving, gentle and genuine man I've become. They miss out on me, an available ear, and a gentle heart, capable of so very much love.

This is my hope for you, today and everyday & you deserve it. It is freedom from judgement, freedom from resentment and anger. This is freedom to love yourself & by extension, to love those closest to you more deeply & more perfectly. When you've put a lifetime between yourself & your sin, when you've spent a lifetime shedding labels, it is no longer your crime if those that claim to love you the most continue to see you w/ a slanted eye. When the words they speak fail to match the label they impose through clouded glasses, you mustn't stumble. This isn't your garbage to carry; it belongs on someone else’s boulevard. Stand firm, refuse to bend.

Today, I no longer need to grow up, as I am glaringly aware that I was required to grow up much sooner then I should have. I've done enough. I deserve as much respect, kindness and consideration as I give, and most days I give far more then I should! I deserve people in my life that will fight for me & demand these things on my behalf. There comes a moment when we should no longer be expected to offer the right of way. When those aware of whom & what we are, will step in front and do the pushing back for us. We all deserve people like this in our lives, we all deserve moments like this. My accomplishments should account for something; to more people than just me alone. When we change and grow we require support from loved ones. Support can often mean that, on our behalf, they would naturally, willingly acknowledge those accomplishments to others that fail to see them.

I learned this from a man that had only 10yrs. sobriety.

He spoke it to others around those closed tables, who then sought me out, in order to share it with me …

"You'll always be that same whiny baby boy, to someone", he would say, “and it’s ultimately their loss. Stick w/ those persons that would make it their business to remind others; that you’re a new man; after all these are the people that deserve the new you".

I never got to hear him speak those words myself, but some of his closest friends went out of their way to remind me of this gem a number of times and 16yrs. on it's a very personal piece of the puzzle for me. This is the very first time I've ever shared this; outside of a small group that have been my biggest supporters, but today it just feels right. This idea has defined much of my own personal journey and allowed me to find those that will encourage me the most. We deserve to be a priority to someone, find those that will make room for you, to be theirs.

You Are Amazing & Deserve Perfect Love

Love; S.

Contentment, Just For Today

So …

Recent correspondence has led me to recognize that a small bit of explanation may be in order. Color this guy (thumbs up & pointed at self) “wrong again”. I love it when I’m wrong, because it means I’m still teachable. You, see I am one of the biggest enemies of explaining oneself. I truly loathe the idea of anyone, explaining, defending or spewing their “reasons why”. It sickens me no end, if I’m wrong I’m wrong, I own it & move on; chapter ends; turn the page. At best, make a note in the margin (of your life) for future reference. If you find your offering explanations I figure you haven’t yet convinced yourself and I’m sorry but that smells like B.S. to me. Explanations should be left to those that need to discern why a car just turned into their lane & side swiped their new SUV. I don’t need to know why I was an idiot, I just need to own it, accept it, & try not to do it again; but I guess that’s me & my over simplification. Then again, if we’re talking about communicating to a bunch of placated sheep that are waiting on CNN to tell ‘em who to vote for on American Idol; in between “Survivor ‘catch me up” marathons, then I guess there just may be some value in over simplification! … sorry, I digress …

Not only am I torn because I feel the need to offer explanation, I also don’t wish to boast. In those moments when I’ve found myself in a position to help, or lend aide to another, my closest & dearest loved ones have taught me that I am to help; to give of myself hilariously & do these things with no expectation of recompense, that I am to do these things anonymously when & where ever possible. That’s what this blog has been to me. You see, one may believe me to be boastful & presumptuous here, that I, in some way assume I have knowledge & wisdom to offer when quite the opposite is actually true. I feel I am an empty sponge, perpetually capable of error & in desperate need of knowledge and accountability. What I do know is that I have lived and I continue to live. In spite of childhood rape, in spite of alcoholism and addiction, in spite of teenage pregnancy, in spite of drug use and drug abuse, financial strife, hunger, employment struggles, housing problems, homelessness,  imprisonment, recovery centres, health scares; in spite of it all; I continue to live. I take a long, deep breath, I close my eyes, I find my centre, I count my many, many blessings, hold dear the people I love the most, I make time to write as much of it down as I can, and I live. Sharing my experience, strength & hope is; at the end of the day, for me the most that I can offer, & so I’ve made the decision to do just that.

About 7yrs. ago, I was sitting in the office of my (then) therapist, Dr. & friend. He posed the idea that, giving talks, sharing at closed tables & a willingness to share w/ friends and family may not be enough. “The Long Road Home” was born. The idea was to take the writing, the experiences; those most personal, precious and fragile parts of who I’ve become & offer it to the world; via the internet. Anyone who has ever completed or heard of a “4’th” step inventory, or maybe gone to “confession” as a Catholic should be able to appreciate the gravity in this endeavor.  It is one thing to open your dark closet and reveal all of your nasty little demons to someone who can never tell. It is an entirely different creature to openly offer these things to the general public. This of course pre-supposes that you have the courage necessary to even consider such a thing. How many could never imagine telling, even a single person, just one of their darkest, nastiest secrets; let alone sharing it all in a internet post? Who would willingly share their marital indiscretions, the money they stole from mom’s purse or their husbands wallet, their fetishes, their childhood pre-occupation w/ pornography, the crime they “got away with”, or the hidden lingerie section of the catalogue? For me, laying it all bare was & is, an absolute must, & the challenge was to do it in the most public venue available. I had already done the confession deal multiple times, 4’th step inventory was old news, sharing it w/ my PhD, psychology buddy wasn’t helping him or me & my wife was getting a little exasperated by the whole discussion. It was time to roll the dice on a new idea.

At the time, FB was maybe 2yrs. old and barely keeping pace w/ MySpace & blogging was a fairly new, yet by this time, a well-established medium. Sara & I have been “web savvy” since we moved from Windsor in ’97, so I (we) were well aware that social networks like FB & MySpace are limited to friends and family. Writing for those that I “pick & choose” really isn’t a “public” forum, so a public blog, it had to be. I made the decision to avoid any “thread like commentary” on our FB page very early on, asking that any and all correspondence go through the site. All too often, there are many who forget that FB & MySpace are not public forums these are the friends and family we personally choose to stay connected with. It is at these times, we also seem to forget that social networks lack the ability to convey tone & emotion so we will inevitably add these things ourselves. As we read we tend to assume the tone or emotion of a given comment, we then play judge and jury over others miles away, from the safety we find behind a keyboard. I needed to maintain the integrity of the exercise, and so a “public” blog in a public forum was necessary. While I admit that in recent years, I’ve allowed my guard to drop, and feeling that some scenarios were O.K. I allowed threads to develop on FB, I’ve since been called to account, and continue to refrain. It’s an absolute, that I must maintain this separation. I’ve continued to use FB to promote the Blog, but always include “disclaimers” especially for potentially charged pieces.

Here’s where I hope not to become boastful, because in the 7yrs. or so that the blog has been active, I’ve published some 90 plus posts and maintain 100’s of drafts. These numbers are small by comparison, to be sure, but in the years before and since, I’ve written reams of longhand work and through the blog, I’ve been lucky enough to have various pieces picked up. While Google keeps contact w/ me to run Ad-Sense on the site, I’ve never been paid and I honestly have no desire to receive financial reward, as my sincerest hope, of reaching people is realized w/ every “hit” the blog takes, every “view” a piece receives and every “profile view” I get. Comments & private correspondence are always welcomed, but some of it is less than favorable & here is where the rubber meets the road for me. You see, I found out very early on in my sobriety that I thrive on accountability. When I accept my ignorance, I become teachable and if I hope to improve myself I need to be prepared for criticism. To that end, my tissue thin skin needed to become thick and calloused in a hurry. Trust me when I note here that there is no more consistent provider of real time humility, then a public “comment section” on your deepest and most passionate ideas; try it! I’ve since discovered that I write to a much wider and more varied audience then I could’ve ever imagined I’d be able to reach. I am humbled to say the least.

This medium has allowed me to reach out to people in other countries, on other continents and brought the world to my lap, literally. I could, (& admittedly have), become insulting here, but I want this to be an explanation. There are new bloggers out there, just starting and adding many new and exciting ideas. These ideas contrast my own experiences in every way, but it’s the readers I want to reach, and for them I have a warning. This fairly new medium is a double edged sword; as there is no tangible way to convey tone here, that’s left for you to add. You should do so carefully, because while I may write to an audience of thousands, you alone have the ability to take it personally, the choice is yours. It is an incredibly narcissistic thing to read a public blog, on a website open to millions, and assume that any part of it is directed toward you alone. This medium has done amazing things to change me, and teach me humility. It has given me pause to consider ideas and criticisms in a whole new light, but it’s been at the expense of offering myself up to public opinion. I accept that; yet in doing so how could I offer an apology to one who reads from a public forum and assumes a personal attack?

I openly admit that very early on, I wrote at least one very directed piece and foolishly published it. This happened at one of the darkest times of my marriage and was directed at a person specifically responsible for much of the drama in our lives at this difficult time. I’ve since been exceedingly vigilant regarding emotion filled drafts, editing and accountability. I have a wife, children and a number of friends that keep me honest and original pieces like this rarely make to the site. The second part of this sword, for me is the most damning because it is here where truth can be found. It is the truth of a person; the truth of an individual and his or her journey. It is in the written word that we can know a man intimately. Articles, opinions, open comments offered, emotion filled retorts; they all reveal so much about the author. Most often, this happens long after the fact, to his or her dismay. This has been the love affair my wife condones & the nemesis I fear lies in wait under my bed. Knowledge that your craft betrays you shouldn’t cause us pause; it’s only when we learn this all too late that so many feel shame. Much like the boy getting caught in his 1’st lie, explanations are water tossed down sieve when the truth is held open for all to see. When pen touches paper, far more than ink makes it to the page. As an example; one cannot assign the attribute of “monstrosity” to a deity they openly claim to be non-existent, without betraying too much of themselves to the reader. There’s no way to avoid Nietzsche & Freud on that one. Anyone w/ a dime store grasp on Psychology has to give that glaring oxy-moron one great, big, long: “hmmmmm”.

I understood and accepted this paradigm long before I ever published my 1’st piece. I spent many an hour seeking those that would caution me, and those who would hold me to account, because in this medium; one’s truth will shine through, as plainly as their ignorance. The internet offers an endless pasture of likeminded supporters. Type in your search and the lists grow exponentially. This much has been obvious to Sara & I since our 1’st search on “Internet Explorer” way back in 1995, and is more true now than it was then; if such a thing is even possible. I don’t write to gain supporters, I don’t write to make friends, I write to shake foundations, to piss people off, to make you think twice before making a decision. “MjrPhallus” was born when a friend looking for sympathy found none & called me a giant dick; having a personal struggle w/ profanity I responded that I prefer “Major Phallus”. The persona was born. I didn’t arrive at this place in my life painlessly & I don’t expect anyone to feel like change comes easily. Birth is a messy painful business & to give birth to a new me has been no different. To attempt to hide these parts of ourselves in such an open & naked medium is futile. To claim otherwise is exceedingly dishonest.

There are, and will always be, those that would debate definitions add infintum. They’ll quote the Miriam Webster definition of “truth” and at the end of the day, what does it matter, to me; little. One must have a sense of priority. I've come far enough to know who I am; I have no questions to that end. I like who I am & the people I love the most seem to dig me to. Call me “one lucky S.O.B.” & you’d be right. Not many come out the other end w/ the love, support & family I have; as a matter of fact most end up very alone.  I know this: when I do what I love the most, you will always find me there. There’s no escaping that. I see my father every time I look at one of his drawings; I hear his voice every time I read one of his original pieces. I touch my mother each time I embrace one of my sisters. Their undying essence exists there as indelibly as water carving caverns through the mountains.

Therein, as it turns out, is what I love about the whole endeavor. Experiment Successful! Today I can willingly, openly and with no fear of your judgment offer myself and my experience completely. When I do, my loved ones & people I've yet to even meet can find positive ideas, occasional solutions and passionate viewpoints there. That for me is enough. There is freedom in the absolute transparency I enjoy, that so few know, or ever will. For me that is a sad truth. Objective truths are bullshit; the correct term here is “law”. There can be no speculation if we write from actual, honest experience, there is only truth. It’s the truth of our journey, our individual observances of life as it’s happened, or is happening for us. We have only our own senses to rely on, therefore I can’t possibly convey anything other than my own view of the trees, the sky, or how the water tasted on my long road home.

Do What You Love; Happiness Waits For You There }:)

Love; S.

- Stacey Gaudette, "The Moderate" ...

 - So here's the latest ...

 "Moderate". Is that rich or what?

Here's my question, "what were they even doing on Dec. 5'th 1985"? I know what I was doing, I was 17, & I was experiencing life. Yep, I'm a moderate! Ask anyone, w/ the exception of anyone that has ever "Met Me"! Such an inanely stupid, and typically internet researched; obviously reading like minded articles; rehearsed response, from the overly predictable "book of rhetoric".

"Moderate" Can anyone seriously be that presumptuous? Wait, I guess they can, because daily we read, & hear from those that think that they have some authority to pass such judgment over any other human being they deem inferior. Sound familiar Grand Wizard? That, in and of itself is what makes the rest of us shake our heads. Seriously, how can anyone pass such blanket judgments on entire groups of people, and hide behind statements like "thoughtful discussion & debate".

While I welcome thoughtful discussion, and I enjoy debate; I enter into these arenas understanding that the owe-ness is on me to entertain new ideas, to offer pause and willingly consider different points of view. The  consideration of new or alternative ideas ends when one party fixates on a given point, turns the discussion into a personal attack and the obsession becomes the proving of said points at all costs. Pausing only to add to their steaming pile of rehearsed propaganda.

One must pause to consider if they've ever read the history they claim to know so much about, or does the inception of Google make them scholarly from their high backed arm chairs? Certainly we all know that Microsoft Word's built in thesaurus makes them "sure sound all educated like". "Excuse me !? The Gas Chamber is ready. That group of people you've deemed as unsavory has grown too big". "Should we line up the people who profess faith, their ruining it for everyone else"? or do you have a better Final Solution?

Oh, I'm sorry, is that picture a bit too graphic? Then please, explain the difference or continue to hide behind "your right to an opinion". The only "opinions worthy of consideration" are those that are articulate & educated, and positively contribute to a discussion. Would your "rights and freedoms" also allow you to smear feces on a war memorial or are we back to somethings are absolutely right & some are just plain wrong? Which is the soap box topic today? We hear & read the mountainous piles of rhetoric that Dawkins, Hitchens & O'Hare have spewed since the '70's but where's the inclusive ideas that make it better for everyone? 'ya hate god, 'ya hate faith, 'ya hate "theism; we get it. Where's the positive all inclusive proposal for unity & peace? Where's the proposal for acceptance & connection w/ one's fellow? Anything positive to add? We're all waiting!

Please read books & study the material, but be wary because the sciences you hide behind, are the very same sciences that contradict you. Have real answers. My education tells me that scholars have believed for far too long that the very "Jesus" you rail against ended this debate over 2ooo years ago, when he is reported to have spoken the words "it is finished". Most modern theologians believe this meant "an end to all religious debate, once & for all". People were being taught to seek personal freedom from all oppression. These are the same (scholars), PhD's, anthropologists & archaeologists, on digs right now; men & woman that would tell you that he was probably the 1'st, best & most successful anarchist that's ever lived! Whoever this man was, he challenged the 2 most powerful government systems of his time, if not (comparatively speaking) all time; & within 60 (some) years of his death, his message of non-violence, inclusiveness & personal freedom toppled them both.

To paraphrase, he taught that if you believe you are free, then you are, that's it. Freedom to think, feel & believe whatever we choose, and still there are those that would seek to take my freedom by presuming they know better then I, what is good & healthy for me. They would presume to oppress others w/ their Google Diploma, divining what must be right & wrong for all peoples. I hear that gas chamber calling again ...

 Soren Kierkegaard wrote:
"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought; which they seldom use";

Herein lies the very essence of the idea. While groups and individuals still exist that would presume to judge their fellow man, & tell him what he can or can't believe; they are those that would seek to impose their will & opinions; that which "they know" to be right or wrong; "we all" possess the ability to be free, if we only choose to do so. Your personal freedom is most valuable & has the potential to define us among all creatures.

  - I say, "be free, & tell them water heads to go fuck themselves", FB & Twitter have block buttons, telephones can be hung up, & shut off ...

Do What You Love; Happiness Waits For You There }:)

 Love; S.

  (compiled from drafts, June 4'th, July 13'th / 2012)

- The Cost Of Love ...

I can remember being in my 20's. It was a difficult time. Having lost my father at 17, I was a very "un" guided young man. The one constant, (painful as they were), were those people that refused to spare my, "perpetually fragile" feelings, in lieu of truth. While I spent what now feels like a lifetime with skin thinner then a next top model contestant, there were those that never hesitated to hit me with truth. When I acted out, crossed a line, hurt feelings or behaved in a manner otherwise unacceptable I was corrected, my feelings be damned. Without the benefit of parents, I still had people who cared enough to tell me, to my face that I was a shitty person, w/ the ability to be better. In short, they believed in my ability to change, and at 28, I did. Today, I realize that this job, given to parents, is a tough, yet necessary one. It sucks to tell my child that he needs to shut his mouth, that he's being a disrespectful ass, or that his behavior is unacceptable, but I do it, I am his father not his friend. If I want better for my children then, I need to take these opportunities seriously, and tell them, to their face what it is to be respectful, especially of those we love the most. Whether they are 10, 20 or 40, they will always look to me and find accountability. This gift & the people that have provided it for me are the most precious gifts I've ever received.

Today, I am a good and decent man. I am alcohol Free, cigarette Free, drug Free, medication Free & finally caffeine (coffee) Free! I do not pressure my children; contrarily I've endeavored to raise open minded, articulate and educated Free Thinkers, schooled in all things; with a driven desire to learn and challenge any and all convention. I am not a delicate flower; contrarily I welcome any who would consider me otherwise. I (we) have not brainwashed my (our) children; as a matter of fact they would be the first to advise you of this fact, & trust when I note that you may not like the way they, themselves apprise you thus. I am open, caring, welcoming, nurturing and loving; oh to be sure, to know me is to feel love. I honestly feel sadness for those who have never experienced the depth, of the love I have available. I also have little or no internal dialogue. This means that when you say hurtful things, that are questionable in their truth, I will not hesitate to tell you that your words are not welcome.

 I'm left here to wonder how many relationships must be destroyed, how much hurt must be caused before damage becomes irreparable. I know in my case I was forced to look at the damage I had done, & lucky enough that those around me cared enough to believe in the change I was capable of. Very few find themselves as lucky, it is rare indeed.

I've held one quality most dear; and if there is any pressure at all, that I place upon the young men that carry my father's name, it is the attribute of "integrity". To be truthful & upright, to be the same yesterday, today & tomorrow. For me this quality, this attribute is the most prized above all. It is for me, to be one person to my wife, to my children, my friends, family and any, whose paths I may be blessed to cross.It is a very rare quality, in short order today. It is a blessing given to me by those in my life not afraid to hurt my feelings, & one that I share with those I love the most today. This I hope for you ...

(Compiled From Drafts: April 5'th & 16'th / 2013)

      Love; S.

- A Creative Brain Fart ...

I don’t know why,

I still can’t fly.

I've been reaching new heights,

Grabbing at lights,

Just for you,

All for you.

I've scuffed my knees,

& climbed a few trees with you;

All for you,

Just for you.

I don’t know why

I still can’t fly.

When I look at your eyes,

I see open skies,

I’m with you,

Just with you.

Now we've shared our moments,

Our hopes & our dreams;

Tears from our failures,

Too many, it seems;

I’m with you, still with you.

You've held our future,

Right there in your arms

Chased away nightmares,

& kept them from harm.

We’re with you,

Always you.

You pick me up,

Each time I fall down.

You teach me to soar,

When I hit the ground.

Oh its you;

Its always, been you,

So grateful,

For you ...

    S. Gaudette

 (Written over two days, March 24'th & 25'th / 2012)

Untitled; For Sara / February 14, 2013

If there were a billion fields and a billion blades of grass in each field, 

If, amongst those grasses, there were tiny wild flowers

Hiding, 

Hardly visible, distant from any eyes.

If I was one of a billion, 

Barely recognizable as an individual. 

If I was parched, thirsty and existing on less then a moment, 

I rest in faith, knowing that I would certainly find you, my one wild flower, 

Waiting; ever patient, holding your nectar only for me.

S.

- Why Philosophy ?

In today’s post, I’ve un-apologetically borrowed from a couple of other sights. I will include them at the end for reasons that should be obvious. As I’ve stated many times in previous posts, why beat a point when someone has already made it.

(& rather eloquently I might add)

Harvard University’s Department of Philosophy answers the question:

 “Why Philosophy”?

Philosophy is the systematic and critical study of fundamental questions that arise both in everyday life and through the practice of other disciplines. Some of these questions concern the nature of reality: Is there an external world? What is the relationship between the physical and the mental? Does God exist? Others concern our nature as rational, purposive, and social beings: Do we act freely? Where do our moral obligations come from? How do we construct just political states? Others concern the nature and extent of our knowledge: What is it to know something rather than merely believe it? Does all of our knowledge come from sensory experience? Are there limits to our knowledge? And still others concern the foundations and implications of other disciplines: What is a scientific explanation? What is the status of evolutionary theory versus creationism? Does the possibility of genetic cloning alter our conception of self? Do the results of quantum mechanics force us to view our relations to objects differently?

The aim in Philosophy is not to master a body of facts, so much as think clearly and sharply through any set of facts. Towards that end, philosophy students are trained to read critically, analyze and assess arguments, discern hidden assumptions, construct logically tight arguments, and express themselves clearly and precisely in both speech and writing. These formidable talents can be applied to philosophical issues as well as others, and philosophy students excel in fields as varied as law, business, medicine, journalism, and politics.

You might be surprised to learn that many people have studied philosophy and gone on to success in a variety of careers, from comedy: George Carlin, Woody Allen, Steve Martin, to business: Carly Fiorina, George Soros, to acting: Harrison Ford, Bruce Lee, to literature: T.S. Eliot, Pearl Buck, David Foster Wallace, to politics: Václav Havel, Bill Clinton, to law: Hon. Stephen Breyer, Hon. David Souter, Hon. Beverly McLachlin, to the arts: Phillip Glass, to journalism: Stone Phillips, to social activism: Martin Luther King, Jr., Elie Wiesel, to sports: Phil Jackson, John Elway.

Ten of the greatest: Philosophical principles

By JULIAN BAGGINI, Editor of The Philosopher's Magazine

1. THE HARM PRINCIPLE

by JOHN STUART MILL, 1806-1873

Whenever legislation is proposed that limits our freedoms, someone will reach for Mill's On Liberty and point to the passage that says, 'The sole end for which mankind are warranted, individually or collectively, in interfering with the liberty of action of any of their number, is self-protection. That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilised community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant.' What could be clearer? Except it isn't clear: it depends on what you mean by harm. Does hate speech harm minorities? Does sexist language harm women, by making them less credible in the eyes of society? Philosophical principles are like credit agreements: the headlines are convincing, but the small print catches you out.

2. THE PRINCIPLE OF SUFFICIENT REASON

GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ ­1646-‑1716

The idea that everything is as it is for a reason is the assumption behind most of philosophy. If we thought that things just happened, we would not bother to try to work out their causes. But then nor would we assume that longer days meant more sunshine meant warmer weather. But this principle is crucially different from the one that says everything must have a purpose. There must be a reason why the big bang happened, but that does not mean it happened for any end or goal.

3. THE MEAN

by ARISTOTLE, 382BC-‑322BC

Moral thinking is steeped in sharp dualities: Good v Evil, God v Satan, Right v Wrong, Heaven v Hell. Popular mythology, from humanity's fall from grace in the Garden of Eden to Star Wars, is full of tales of people going over to the dark side. But long before modern psychology told us that we all have our shadow side, an Ancient Greek philosopher came up with an idea that was even more subtle: it is not that there are shades of grey between moral black and white - good and bad aren't opposites at all. Rather, the good is a 'mean' that stands between two bads: that of excess and that of deficiency. Courage, for instance, is the mean between the excess of rashness and the deficit of cowardice. Mercy is the mean between the excess of vengefulness and the deficiency of surrender. It's a brilliant idea that utterly transforms how you look at right and wrong.

4. THE FALSIFICATION PRINCIPLE

by KARL POPPER, 1902-1994

Common sense once held that a theory was scientific if you knew how to prove it. But Popper suggested that a theory is only scientific if you know what would disprove it. That's why conspiracy theories are nonsense: no matter what the evidence, believers insist this proves how tough the cover-up is. Similarly, you could argue that the theory that God does what is best for us is not scientific, because whatever happens, believers insist it must be for the greater good. God's goodness may be a theological claim but it's not evidential.

5. OUGHT IMPLIES CAN

by IMMANUEL KANT, 1724-1804

How often do people insist that 'Something should be done' even though they've no idea what that something is? But unless you have an idea what should be done, how do you even know that it's possible to do anything at all? It makes no sense to say something should be unless it actually can be. Kant is usually credited with formulating this principle: 'Since reason commands that such actions should take place,' he wrote, 'it must be possible for them to take place.' In other words, if a prescription is truly rational, then it must be possible. Which means if it looks rational, but isn't possible, it isn't rational at all, like expecting a system to run on debt indefinitely.

6. THE PRINCIPLE OF EVIDENCE

by DAVID HUME, 1771-1776

'A wise man proportions his belief to the evidence' sounds like advice you know already. But it's more easily agreed with than followed, and the results can be uncomfortable. No wonder David Hume felt the need to restate it. In his essay Of Miracles he says: 'A weaker evidence can never destroy a stronger'. Sounds obvious. But when it comes to the miraculous, has the testimony of any witness ever been stronger evidence than the testimony of all the rest of life, which tells us that nature's laws do not admit exceptions? If not, says Hume, then anyone who claims to base belief on evidence can never believe in miracles.

7. THE PRINCIPLE OF CHARITY

by DONALD DAVIDSON 1917­-2003

Some principles cannot claim to have a single author. The principle of charity is one, although the 20th-century U.S. philosopher Donald Davidson has more claim than most to have set it out clearly and systemically. In its broadest sense it urges us to interpret the meaning of what others claim in ways that make them as rational as possible. It is, if you like, an injunction to give others the benefit of the doubt. If what someone says could be plain wrong or just badly phrased, assume the latter, until proven otherwise. It is, of course, the opposite principle to that followed by politicians, newspaper columnists and militant atheists, all of whom assume their opponents to be bone-headed fools. In other words, it is a principle more needed now than ever.

8. THE DIFFERENCE PRINCIPLE

by JOHN RAWLS, 1921­-2002

If some philosophical principles seem so obvious as not to be worth stating, others shatter consensus. Such is the case with Rawls's difference principle, which the Liberal Democrats once considered adopting as policy. This states that increases in inequality are only permissible if they benefit the worst-off members of society. It sounds radical, but after recent events with bankers' bonuses, fewer people now believe that concern about growing pay at the top of the economic scale is pure envy. The difference principle states that it is fine for the rich to get richer only if the poor always become richer than they would have done had the wealthy been held back. It's a liberal compromise between the socialist demand for equality and the neo-liberal disregard for equality.

9. JUST WAR

by THOMAS AQUINAS, 1225­-1274

Thinkers have long pondered when war is morally justified, but modern theories of just war are little more than amendments to those set down by Thomas Aquinas in the 13th century. The morality of a war is determined both by the reasons for starting it and its conduct once begun. To wage war, the cause needs to be just, it must be waged by an army with legitimate authority, it must be fought for the right intentions, there must be a good probability of success, the response must be proportionate, and it must be the last resort. Armies must use proportionate force and discriminate between combatants and innocent civilians.

10. OCCAM'S RAZOR

by WILLIAM OF OCCAM, 1288-1348

In an age of five-blade razors, the one wielded by William of Occam is ironically named, for it is the requirement not to multiply entities beyond necessity. So, if you can explain the workings of the world by postulating only the existence of matter, you should not prefer an explanation that also posits ectoplasm, unless that more complicated theory can explain more. The principle is also known as one of economy of explanation: all other things being equal, a simpler explanation is more likely to be true than a complicated one. It's a principle that has even found its way into Sex And The City: if a man is sending a woman mixed messages, the simple answer is he's just not that into her.

We should understand how a machine works, & by extension, it’s ultimate purpose before we wield it, for any reason, let alone a reason that may ultimately harm another. Your intellect just might be the most powerful mechanism you will ever have the freedom to use … Love; S. }:)

http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~phildept/undergradprogram_whyphilosophy.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/moslive/article-1279320/Ten-greatest-Philosophical-principles.html