- A Moderate Response ...

I turned 44yrs. old this Friday past. I enjoyed the full “Build a Bear” experience with the love of my life; I made it to the top of Skylon Tower, in Niagara Falls. & watched my Toronto Argonauts hoist the Grey Cup on its 100’th Anniversary. In short, I still consider myself the luckiest man alive, to be sure, I am blessed.

I’ve avoided writing for many reasons over the years; more often than not sheer laziness turns out to be the culprit. While I could blame many things, those that are close to me would understand my aversion to the assignment of fault. Life happens, all the time, kidz grow up, they require parent’s time and attention, job situations change, people move, championships are won, & games are lost. Time, it seems is the great equalizer as it catches up with us all.

Sara and I recently had to stand by as our sons were indirectly accused of being brainwashed. It’s easy to recognize anger and emotion, especially in such a raw form, yet as our children have been raised to question everything; us included, this hurtful moment, I fear has left a lasting mark. Among many of their great qualities, our boyz would be the 1'st to remind you that they have great memories. Obviously I’ve avoided posting for a very deliberate reason, the writing is there, in drafts that have not been published and probably, never will, but posting is an altogether different monster, isn’t it?  Most recently two things have come together to shake up relationships in my family; the 1’st being the topic of Religion, the 2’nd being Social Networking.

14 yrs. ago Sara & I moved from Windsor to St. Thomas. I had been given the “proverbial 2’nd chance”, new in sobriety, a shot at a new job, and more love and support then we could ask for. The Internet made this move much easier as we were able to stay in touch with family & friends, send pics, & updates and do it all virtually for free. Today the footprint we have left on the Internet is impressive, I can tell you that companies are spending thousands of dollars to get half the hits you will find just by Googling “saranstacey”. Go ahead, copy & paste it now, click "image search"; you may be shocked. While many of the people we love the most were just entering high school, or sending their own children off on the school bus, Sara & I were learning to stay in touch via “MSN Messenger”. Before Google was an idea in someone’s mind we were posting to the Internet, before "social networking" was a fancy catch phrase, Sara & I were "networking" via the Internet.

It’s funny to me today, to hear myself talk to my children & find my parents in those words. I remember calling myself an atheist, then calling myself an agnostic theist, then atheist again. I’ve worn so many labels over the years, “Born Again”, “Evangelical”, “Catholic”, “Anglican”, then back to “Atheist”. What makes me smile the most today is to remember, and be able to admit to you here, the anger I would disguise as intellectual curiosity while adopting each of those labels. When we write we cannot convey tone, what we can never avoid though is the truth that lies ever so subtly, just below those words. The truth of who we really are exists at the end of the pen; therein lays the beauty of the written word, and the very truth of myself, & the world around me that I fell in love with so many years ago.

 I struggled with the idea of ever publishing to a public forum, a wonderful therapist, who eventually became a friend guided me to this decision, & the eventual criticism I encountered has been amazing, it continues to challenge & define me. I've found an entire community out here. Some proudly wear their labels and live to advance their agendas, & in their passion we find there is much to learn. Then there are those of us that revel in our ignorance and seek out new ideas and new opinions like a heroin addict searches for a hit. Is this an over dramatic, over exaggerated example? Maybe as someone who's lived with addiction it's a comparison of the very real passionate, driven desire to learn, and thereby change who I am for the better. You be the judge. I can tell you this, I live each day of my life, ready willing and able to admit that I may be wrong, if for no other reason but to better myself and my relationships with those that I love the most, and those that I’ve yet to meet. There are far more people like me, than there are those that live to advance a single idea. That does not make me moderate, it is not an insidious form of thinking, it is as a matter of scientific fact, “Evolved”, as witnessed by Schools of Medicine in Ottawa & more recently, London Ontario.

On a personal note, I believe it is worth noting that there is a certain passion I write with. I’d like to say that a man, bound by slavery, once freed may then dedicate himself the task of setting everyone free. Bondage is a tricky thing, often characterized by a very slippery slope. One byes into an idea, the idea takes hold & turns into a single minded passion that can’t, or more often than not, won’t be dispelled. It’s amazing to me that Darwin’s ideas on evolution can be witnessed even in people of faith. The ideas of inclusion, acceptance and shared experience to further the human race are alive and well, and being studied as we speak. To ever imagine a world where a man isn’t free to think, feel and imagine that which he freely chooses is to step back to a time where humans were put in cattle cars and funneled off to gas chambers. I’m excited to see our children sharing time, thoughts, ideas & talents with other young people of every culture and faith; from Agnostic, to Baptist, to Atheist, and every culture, & skin colour in between.

The real joy comes when we “live” the truth of our lives in spite of those other opinions, when we can raise ourselves above all the anger masked as intellectual curiosity, when we can carry on, past the indirect insults and accusations. I’ve been a firm believer in picking up the phone, knocking on a door; sitting down for a coffee, facing down the elephant in the living room is far easier than pretending it doesn’t exist. Look at the generation that never talked about their feelings, that never said “I love you”, how are they doing, how many broken relationships did that generation produce? There’s the real “insidious” idea, the destruction of family starts here, with a family meal missing one, then two …

In recent months, and weeks I’ve been on the phone, travelled down the highway, and I know today, more than ever that these actions work two ways. It’s fairly easy to figure out when you’re being avoided. I have four sisters, & in the days leading up to my birthday I made a point of telling each one of them that I loved them. I then told those that are on my FB how important all four of these woman are to me. You see, they’ve changed me. By being open to new ideas, by being malleable I can allow their thoughts, ideas and opinions to affect me, and in this way I know today how much I need them in my life. That they allow me in is a very real blessing, I remain a very lucky man, one year older, a little wiser, and just for today, the labels I wear are husband, father, friend, brother, uncle, and me ...

Love; S.