I grew up Roman Catholic, & believe me when I assure you that I have a great deal of love, passion, & respect for my church. In all of its ritualistic practice, the Catholic mass is a beautiful celebration to take part in. One of my fondest memories was the celebration of high mass at my wedding. An hour and a half experience our families no doubt "endured", that Sara & I cherish to this day. Unfortunately, like all man made organizations, the “corporate” church comes full of hypocrisy, & here they all (organized religions/churches) take on the exact same visage. Each one becomes “exclusive", in their base practice of teaching followers, that to gain membership; one must take on a very specific set of doctrines, & beliefs. This single ideal, that each “denomination” follows, in its own way, flies directly in the face of the “freedom” that their “savior” died for. My single biggest frustration here is the very idea that a church body, a benevolent organization, could somehow actively exclude individuals based on a difference of idea, opinion, and understanding.
Follow me here. Most, know that I observed 15yrs. clean & sober on Jan.15’th/12. I achieved this by being truthful, open minded, and willing. I immediately understood, that to change the circumstances I was living in, I needed to be willing to accept that my understanding was flawed. In short, at that time, all of my beliefs could be, & probably were, wrong. Now, accepting that I was living by a flawed set of beliefs; I then needed to be willing to accept what others were willing to teach. My values & practices had led me to a life of drug addiction, criminal behavior, & the destruction of the most precious relationships. So you can imagine that I had arrived at a place where I was desperately willing to do anything to save myself. I was, quite honestly, an empty vessel, a bone dry sponge, thirsty for knowledge & gasping to be filled up.
Now here, many would consider a specific solution, only one generally accepted way to get sober & healthy. I’d argue that those who believe that are dead wrong. Also, I would say that if you’ve ever been as desperate as I was, you’d know the willingness, & open mindedness that I speak of. To be sure; I needed to be open to anything. Yet, for as many people as have ever found recovery; there are just as many ways to find health & healing. While most successful recovery programs recognize the need for a spiritual foundation, many individuals have found healthy, happy recovery without it. I know this to be true, as I’ve sat with them, cried with them & learned from them; & on many occasions have chose to lovingly disagree with them. An open, willing heart & mind recognizes the value in individual experience. Today I know that I stand to learn from each & every person I encounter, still there is one person, in particular, whom I have learned more from, then anyone else, & this person’s story, I have studied more closely then any other.
This person grew up with very real Religious Bondage. For him, every aspect of his day to day life was controlled by religious law & doctrine. Many of the religious rites, & practices that controlled him in his life, can be seen in our day to day life even now, in our “free” society. Whenever I pause to consider those living in Afghanistan, Iraq, Korea, China, & Japan; I think of how these people are still very much living with military occupation everyday & I remember my friend. His life was exactly that. It was dominated by religious law & doctrine, controlled by the “priest” class, & daily oppression by military occupation. Yet, in spite of all this he knew freedom, he felt freedom. He knew deeply that even in this system he could be free, & he could teach others to be free. Seeking to share this with others, he felt this calling to teach, to educate; he then set out to do this very thing. So, to all of the people he met, no matter there status, their belief, their origin, he taught them all that they to could be free. If only they could believe, as much as he, himself believed. For me, the most exciting part of his story was that no one was turned away; no one was expected to follow a doctrine, or carry a set of “ distinctives” upon his heart. The lesson was simple, “Your faith, Sets You Free”. If you believe you are free, then you are. He even died for this, he offered himself up as a martyr for this idea, that “It Is Finished”. In that moment he brought an end to religion.
Sadly, where men are, there are those that seek opportunities to control, & exploit ideas; to manipulate the thinking of others. It was inevitable, but men got involved. Men started to “interpret” his teaching, & his story. Men started to “teach us what to think", & the correct, acceptable way to practice our beliefs. Then, not surprisingly, they also started to take up collections, & teach us to “tithe”, & like good “sheep” most of us forgot, that at the core of his teaching, we find a man who gave each of us the most powerful gift of all; He Gave Us Back Our Freedom Of Choice !!! He taught us that our individual freedom allows us choice, & that we can choose to believe, & if we believe; if we choose faith, our faith can indeed, set us free.
My Journey allowed me to find my friend, & he saved me; through the words of my friends, my brothers & my family, on my couch & at my kitchen table. Today, with faith I have freedom few enjoy. For example, if you choose misery, you'll get very little sympathy from me. I am "free" to allow you to wallow in your grief. Yet, I am also free to be here when you finally seek me out. I’m sure some of you know him; my friend & I'm just as certain some of you don’t, & therein lies the beauty of the human experience; as I’ve learned as much from those that live without "faith" , as I ever have from my brothers & sisters that do. It is this very freedom; to seek out new opinions, experiences & ideas that has continued to keep me so open.
A year ago, I was happy to be bitter, angry & an only child. I believed I knew all I needed to with regard to family relationships. There was to be more for me to learn, I had no idea how quickly these lessons were to come. I shared the experience of loss with four beautiful women that I had never known as sisters; & I can only blame myself for this missed time; as prior to this I’d never allowed them the freedom to be just who they were. Like every other “exclusive” organization I’ve ever encountered I held them to some standard of “sibling ship” as I decreed it. Thank God, my children, my nieces & my nephews feel the freedom to tell me when & if I’m being an asshole! In this most difficult, & intimate of experiences, I found my way to love them for just who they are, I learned the value of being able to love my sibling when it's hard to do so, when they need it the most. I'm grateful beyond my ability to describe it in mere words, that these amazing, graceful women found their way to love me in spite of my bitter, childish behavior. Today, we remember a loss, & can thank our mother for holding on, long enough to teach her children the most precious lesson of all, the value of unconditional love, found in “Family”.
Be Good; Love, S.
