- How Free are You ?

- how exactly do we gauge our own freedom? Do we, as Canadians feel we have more freedom than Americans because the quality of our porn is better. We have "Sexual Freedom"; therefore we are a much more "Free" nation. Let us consider President Bush's desire to, yet again, re-visit the Gay Marriage issue. A Question our Prime Minister will, as promised address in open Parliament, but would much rather put behind him. I think we can all attest to the fact that our Hetero-Sexual marriages are not affected by the "Gays Getting Married", any problems there are from our own misdoings. We're far more inclusive as a people, therefore we must have a "deeper sense of freedom as a society."

- I'm sure you can call me biased as a Canadian Citizen, you'd be correct. I would guess that as Americans, some might say that your freedom; your right to bare arms, makes you superior, your political system, allows anyone to become President as opposed to a Party Leader being in charge. This may be true, our retort would undoubtedly have something to do with a far superior Health Care System ... and the argument's would go on and on ... Here, lies my point.

- Which of us has the very real freedom required; to walk away? Who wants to let it go and let the score board do the talking? How many, would see the pointless, never ending bickering as a drain on all things human, and loving; then without warning leave the debate for a well deserved break? This, my lovelies, is the real sense of freedom I pray for you. The freedom to be wrong, the freedom to not care, the freedom that Screams, "I Have Nothing To Prove!" When your head hits the pillow tonight, I pray you've pondered the fact that all over our world, in some of the worst dictatorships, there are people who are free. I've tasted freedom, only to turn hostage again, I hold my self prisoner everyday. Unwilling to embrace the freedom I give myself each morning. I fool myself into the fallible belief that others have my best interests at heart, as much as I have theirs. It's a joke, it is, without exaggeration to the very essence of the word, "laughable." To believe for a moment, that even your closest, dearest loved ones are incapable of the most heinous acts of selfishness is absolute, and complete folly. Rip your own heart out if you believe otherwise. This is the continued pitfall for me. I have sensed freedom. I truely; could not possibly care less, if anyone knew my deepest darkest secrets. I would willingly stand at a podium and share with the world every sick, twisted, sinful thing I've ever done. I feel the less ammunition someone has the better. In this willingness, I've already disarmed them. The problem lies in the amount of discretion, I bring into my marriage. If I honour the woman I married, I choose discretion, as it removes this obvious embarrassment from her. I embrace my freedom, without assuming she does the same. One could say that if she was, as willing to be beyond reproach, than nothing said could harm her either; I'd agree. Simply put, it is not for me too assume her position; this brings me, back to my point.

- I would, embrace a world where I am free to love hilariously. A place where I could give and provide care and concern to every individual I meet each and every day. Those closest to me would obviously benefit from my desire, my passion for their own well being each day. I could be free to share my heart felt thoughts and ponderings. They would never be defensive and take things as a personal attack, I'd never be made out to be some controlling monster, wielding absolute power with fear, intimidation, and a manipulative heart. I would be "approachable", sought out if only to share a thought or idea with. Someone who is there to hear ones plans for the day; someone who is there to engage in conversation. To expect my life to be like this, while a fine goal for any one of us, is a fools venture. How lovely it would be yes, but a journey in fruitless investment. Why? one might ask, because I put far to much faith in the people themselves, it is my biggest downfall. Quote D.H. again if you like ...

- I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

Without ever having felt sorry for itself.

David Herbert Lawrence

- While I invite you, to see my sense of self pity, I would encourage you to see my very real desire to serve others. I lose my freedom when I fail to prepare for their humanness. An argument can be made that their treatment of me is not the way "I would have it" and therefore "not good enough for me", yet I would counter by saying; while I make the feelings, and well being of others my priority, I set my self up by expecting them to do the same for me. While we assume that those we hold closest and whom we consider most dear already do this for us, it is nothing less than folly to do so. "Freedom" is the hardened heart that is tough and calloused enough to believe and embrace this difficult fact...

- "Sad But True" (Hetfield/Ulrich:'91)

- Love, S.