- I can decide to get up out of this chair right now, take a shower, clean the house, run the stairs doing laundry that needs not be done. IT IS MY CHOICE! I can choose to berate my wife, pointing out all of her faults, as I see them, leaving nothing to chance and in the process removing any shred of self esteem she may posses, again it is My choice. I can choose to wait for the children to get home and proceed to tell them all of the things they've done wrong. Focusing especially on the work their mother has, yet again, done in their rooms; and how they've let her down by not keeping up on the very simple task of picking up after themselves. Lay the guilt & shame on thick! My choice! I could head downstairs, grab the bottle of Mojitos that Sara bought on Sunday past, and pour myself one long, stiff cocktail; much needed as I've been without pain meds all week. My choice! Who's going to stop me? I've read two peoples comments, in four, plus months of writing; let alone the time it would take to find me, get to me, and physically try and stop me. Maybe I'm drinking that cool, minty refreshment as you read. It is and will always be; My choice! I am a grown, 6'4" tall; 220lb man. I am very aware of my size, and my ability to use that size any way I see fit. Each and every thing I've mentioned here; and far more, are, and will continue to be My choice. I choose; consciously, my actions, and inter-actions with others, each and every day. By now; I hope you see that I am very aware of my shortcomings. So much so, in fact that I choose to keep them in the fore front of my awareness daily. I choose this because I hope to benefit those around me each day. I do not; ever, want to do any of those things, ever again. Yes, I am guilty of most of these behaviours at one time or another. It sickens me to say so, but again, here is my truth.
- Today, I choose to love first always. I make this my one and only goal; each moment of every day. Love first. This means when I'm being spoken to; I offer the benefit of doubt. I choose to put my love and affection for the person who is speaking; ahead of my opinion on what they may be saying. It is a fairly easy concept. Many is the time when I disagree, or take issue with something said. It remains unfortunate that I was born with a free will, and an opinion. Many is the time when I will take a defensive posture in conversation. I am after all human, and fallible. My goal will always be to allow for an open and honest dialogue, where the person I'm sharing with feels heard, feels valid, and most of all, feels understood. I want them to know that I get it, and that I appreciate their part in the conversation. When I allow myself to go to that place where I'm feeling attacked, I will always try to force my point. My defenses go up and I begin to explain, and site "reasons why". This is all unnecessary; when I put love, compassion, and a desire to hear what's being said, first. A willingness to understand is an absolute, must. A passionate desire to allow someone the freedom to be themselves, goes a long way as well. God gave us a free will, and wants us to love ourselves for who we are. Why can't we do the same for each other? I'm still praying for you ... It is; after all, My choice! Love, S.
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