So I was, yet again, asked how I was feeling today; I appreciate the concern. For me though, there was only a hospital scare; then came treatment, & the race to get off of medications. Today, not only have I been medication free for months, I haven’t smoked since September. I understand that there are those who require medical care on a consistent basis. I certainly have had my experiences with friends & family that have benefited from medicine & treatment. That noted I’m just as certain that we all have those in our lives that “need” to be sick. Therein lies the frustration for me. To have people so close that fail to see the freedom available to them. We can blame Dr.’s or modern medicine for the cases they “create”, but at the end of the day, each one of us has the strength within us to break free. To be sure, it’s a daunting task, yet the freedom is there for those willing to seek it out.
I remember the anger I carried, regarding my childhood. I can still feel the grudges I nursed. I claimed I cared, & felt feelings of love, & I did, just not enough to stop playing the same bitter old songs. In the same way I claimed to have faith. I did have faith, just not enough to trust with my health. I know that medicine has its benefits, & I’m not talking about “trusting God to cure my cancer”. What I’m discussing is an unhealthy dependency on Dr.’s, & medicine, to the point that it dictates one’s daily life. Suddenly we find our selves consumed by “the sickness”, & we’ve lost sight of what it is to be healthy. This is the funk & the rut so many get stuck in. Life & living is nothing more then a moment by moment; second by second parade of the next issue, & the next appointment, the next problem & the next miracle medication or treatment. Life has ended, & existing simply for the drama has begun.
It becomes glaringly obvious why health escapes us, we’ve taught ourselves to focus daily on solving problems we refuse to let go of! There is now, no room in our lives for joy & happiness, as we’ve become obsessed with curing a sickness that we simply refuse to dismiss from our lives. How did I ever expect to find freedom, to repair old wounds if I continued to convict the very people I claimed to love, for childhood crimes they had committed 30 plus years ago!? All I need to do is pick up a news paper, or turn on CNN to know that far worse crimes have been committed against far more innocent people then I. Yet, I convince myself that I’m “entitled” to be angry & bitter, & play the same wounded songs over & over. I remember a picture my father had of Pope John Paul II, forgiving the man who shot him. Suddenly my childhood bitterness becomes small, & my big words of love & faith seem empty. It is this lesson of letting go, & truly trusting that start to bring real “healing” into perspective. It is here that I began to get healthy!
Fear is a lack of faith, & that can be faith in whatever you believe. At the end of the day, once you buy into the doom & gloom, the fear & angst that the world dumps on your door step; you’ve lost faith in the system that brought you happiness & contentment in the first place. You’ve “forgotten” what gave you joy! That happiness & contentment will do more for your health & well being then any med, any Dr. will ever provide. You can speak all the pretty words, & make all the claims you want. If you can’t let go of old tapes, & old stories you will remain stuck in your grief & misery for a lifetime, & a wasted lifetime at that.
Praying Daily For Your Freedom; Love, S. }:)
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